Crazy Criminals of Florida by L. A. Keller

This month's dumb criminals all come from the lovely sunshine state of Florida. I was surprised by the abundance of stupid criminals but, in Florida's defense, they probably all migrated from someplace else.


The circumstances: Ramiro-diaz thought he was a smart criminal. Lots of dumb criminals think this, of course, but Ramiro-diaz could back it up: He had allegedly been dealing drugs for a long time. This is quite an accomplishment because the drug business is filled with risks: customers who want to cheat you, rivals who want to rob you, cops who want to arrest you. How did he stay free for so long? In July, according to TCPalm.com, Ramiro-diaz allegedly sold marijuana and mushrooms to a customer. He let that customer in on the secret of his success: “Adalberto bragged to me he had been doing this a long time and is very smart about his narcotics transactions and that is why he has never been busted. He said no one comes to his house without calling first and if someone just shows up he will answer the door pointing a 9mm handgun at their head.” Sounds smart! Unfortunately, this customer happened to be an undercover investigator. Whoops! The alleged drug dealer was arrested in September.

How he could have been a lot smarter: It’s smart to be wary of strangers who show up asking to buy drugs. Even smarter not to sell drugs in the first place.

How he could have been a little smarter: When Ramiro-diaz was finally arrested in September, cops found a bogus FBI ID card with his own photo on it. He should have insisted that he was conducting a sting on them, and they were actually under arrest.

How he could have been a little dumber: “If someone just shows up I will answer the door pointing a 9mm handgun at their head. And then if they promise they’re not a cop, I will lower the gun, apologize for my rudeness, and sell them illegal drugs.”

How he could have been a lot dumber: “Here is a transaction log of every drug deal I’ve ever made. Isn’t it amazing that I’ve never been busted? I’m so smart!”

Source:  DEC 19, 20145:40 PM  By Justin Peters in slate.com/news 

The circumstances: Wayne Wade should’ve stayed home. On July 30, the Florida man allegedly burglarized an apartment in the town of Hollywood only to encounter the apartment’s tenant on his way out the door. “Uh-oh, now she knows what I look like. I need to get out of here!” Wade presumably thought. So he fled, only to realize that he had accidentally left his cellphone in the home he just allegedly robbed. “Uh-oh, now the cops have my fingerprints and lots of other incriminating data. I need to get that phone back!”

So he called his phone, maybe hoping that the person who answered would see the humor in the situation and return it to him. Instead, the phone was answered by a detective who was in the house investigating the burglary that had just been committed there. According to the Sun-Sentinel, “Wade told the cop his name and said he needed his phone back.” Instead, he was arrested, and the fingerprints from his phone were used to tie Wade to five other unsolved burglaries. In court later that week, Wade told a skeptical judge that his phone had been stolen. Uh-oh, no one believes my terrible excuse!

How he could have been a lot smarter: This, to me, is the quintessential dumb criminal story, and it nicely illustrates how mistakes can compound when you commit crimes in haste. If you’re going to rob a house, you can leave your phone in the car. Just don’t lock your keys in there.

How he could have been a little smarter: A smart criminal knows when to cut his losses. Yeah, it was dumb to leave his phone in the house he’d just burglarized, but he should have realized that he was never going to get it back. In this case, Wade would’ve been arrested, but he’d at least have kept his dignity.

How he could have been a little dumber: Called his phone and proceeded to threaten the life of the president, thus getting the Secret Service involved.

How he could have been a lot dumber: “Hello, this is Wayne Wade. I have just burglarized a home and I left my phone behind. Also, I left my pants.”

Source:  https://www.local10.com/news/criminal-leaves-phone-at-break-in-calls-to-ask-for-it-back

For a trio of drug thieves, it was their lucky day. These dumb criminals broke into a home in Silver Springs, Florida, and discovered three jars of cocaine. They took it home and snorted the contents. That’s when they discovered that the jars were in fact urns, and that they were snorting the cremains of the victim’s husband and two dogs. These are dumb laws that actually exist in each of the 50 states.

Source: myfoxdfw.com

Following a dispute, Craig Aylesworth, of Bithlo, Florida, allegedly tossed a Molotov Cocktail at his neighbor’s trailer home … just as the winds shifted, sending embers on to his own trailer. Luckily, he was arrested, since this dumb criminal no longer had a home of his own to return to.

Source: cfnews13.com

Happy Trails,

Leslie

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